Remember the days when cargo pants were all the rage? I do, unfortunately. I had a few pairs, regrettably. Well, the jackasses in fashion have decided it is time to resurrect this once deceased article of clothing. This is a testament to the fact that designers will sell anything to make a buck. I was perusing through the May editions of Details and GQ magazines and both had write ups on the new breed of cargo pants, GQ’s article is called ‘The No-Bro Cargo.’ An appropriate title, considering no self respecting bro (or gentleman) would ever wear these. I was so horrified by this new ‘trend’ that I had to write a brief stream of consciousness diatribe on it.
There are a few articles of clothing that a man should never, ever wear (yes, square toe shoes are among them). This new form of cargo pant has been added to that list. In fact, they have inspired me to create a list of clothing that men should never wear. Don’t worry, the list will be posted sometime soon. I both understand and approve of using military garments for inspiration for civilian clothing, which is the case with cargo pants. In fact, for generations military dress have been a primary inspiration for civilian clothing. Much of the time this is done tastefully. Other times, it results in abominations. These new cargo pants are the latter. The new pants have been updated with a slimmer cut and higher placement of the cargo pockets. I think they are even more aesthetically offensive than their baggier predecessor of a decade ago. I don’t even think the cast of Jersey Shore would make so grave an error as to wear these, however, who knows with those creatures.
GQ’s article features versions cargo pants by Tommy Hilfinger, Rogue, Uniqlo, Kenneth Cole New York and Ralph Lauren Black Label. The Black Label’s are $350. Please, someone make my day, buy these and so that I can honestly say that someone is better at pissing away money than the American government. Aside from that, Ralph Lifshitz (Lifshitz is his birth name, by the way, not Lauren), are you really the same guy who sells fantastic classic menswear such as polo shirts, cableknit cashmere sweaters, corduroy pants with embroidered golf clubs and basically anything from the Purple Label collection? I know Black Label is more modern and contemporary than the majority of your clothing, but let’s be honest, what the hell are you thinking?